Loss

Last month I was pregnant. I went to my Obstetrician for an ultrasound and he gave me news that I did not expect to hear - my pregnancy was not healthy, and that I would eventually have a miscarriage.

This is not the type of news that anyone wants to hear a few days before Christmas.

My Obstetrician wasn't certain when I would miscarry, and told me that I would either have a miscarriage later that evening, or in the next few days. It took seven days for me to miscarry, it was an excruciating and painful wait.

I kept hoping that my doctor was wrong. I searched the Internet hoping to find a miracle, but deep down, I knew my pregnancy could not survive the cramping and heavy bleeding that I was going through.

After feeling certain that I would miscarry, I knew that instead of looking for stories of miraculous recoveries of impending miscarriages, it was time to search the Internet of what to expect when a miscarriage occurs.

When I went to my first prenatal appointment, I was given a pregnancy packet that included information on the hospital's birth center, lists of Lamaze & Lactation classes, and a blank form for the birth certificate. I was equipped with a lot of information that would help me maintain a healthy pregnancy.

However, you leave the doctor's office empty handed when you're going through a miscarriage. After my doctor told me the news that I would miscarry, he asked me if I had any questions. I had none. What questions do you have, when you're still trying to absorb the news that you're not going to be having a baby? The moment is surreal and overwhelming.

I left the office feeling numb.

It has been several weeks since my miscarriage occurred. I have gone through all the initial stages of grief: Shock, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance. Though some days I vacillate between anger, depression, & acceptance.

Here is what makes me upset; Giving me the pregnancy packet was premature. I believe most of the information contained in the packet should be given during your 2ND trimester or later. I mean do you really need a form for a birth certificate when you're only a few weeks pregnant?

Also, how is it that you can be given a list of lactation consultants & Lamaze classes and no list of support for women who are going through a miscarriage?

I was given no instructions, pamphlet, packet, or at least some kind of information on miscarriages. I had to rely on the Internet to do all my research .

I understand that even if my doctor gave me information on miscarriages, it may not contain all the information that I need. But, having some kind of information is better than having none.

I do not want to give the impression that my Obstetrician or the staff in his office were unfeeling. They were very professional, nice, and sympathetic towards my loss. But, they can do better in giving at least basic information to women who are going through a pregnancy loss.

I found many invaluable websites on miscarriage, but the one website that I found most helpful, is one that was created by a woman who went through a miscarriage. The website is called "pregnancy loss" and you can read it by clicking here.

I don't want women who are told they are going through a miscarriage to walk out of that office empty handed. They should know what is happening to their body and be equipped with the basic facts of miscarriage.

I plan to make a packet which contains basic and helpful information on miscarriage and include a list of support groups, websites, and mail it to the doctor's office.

I'm not sure if they will toss the packet to the recycling bin, but if they hand out my packet, or at least use a version of it, and it helps at least ONE woman, then it is worth the time and the stamp to mail it.

I have debated whether I should blog about my miscarriage or if I should bother to mail a miscarriage packet to my Obstetrician's office. And then I realized that healing comes in many forms. For me, part of my healing process was to write about this & maybe help other women.

It has been several weeks since I miscarried, and yet I still grieve for the baby that could have been mine. I am often amazed that I can still find something to laugh about after experiencing a traumatic event, and then there are days in which I find it hard to get out of bed.

RM has been extremely supportive, especially since this pregnancy loss has affected him as well. He was ready to buy the baby a football.

When I told him that the baby might be a girl, he paused for a moment and said, "Then I'll buy a pink fuzzy football."

He was looking forward to being a dad again.

And I wish I didn't have to lose my baby.