Saturday, February 13, 2010

Moving On

"While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it." ~Samuel Johnson

RM knew that I needed time to grieve. He held me as I cried and often cried with me. When I had no energy to cook or clean the house, he took over the household duties and kept the "ship" running while I recuperated physically and emotionally.

After several weeks of coming home after work and finding me spending more time in my PJ's than in regular clothes, RM became worried.


He said to me,
"I know that you still need time to grieve, but right now, you need to find a balance between grieving and living. I lost a baby too, but I still have to go to work, and we have a son that needs us. I don't want you grieve so much that you forget to live."

It has been a little over two months since I had my miscarriage, and I took what RM said to me to heart. I know it sounds cliche, but I started to notice nature's beauty. I marveled at the flowers blooming in our front yard despite the cold weather, and even the bare trees had it's own unique beauty.


And when life recently started to give out more lemons....


....I made lemonade.



**Some of you have shared your stories of your own miscarriages, which I truly appreciate. It helps to know that when you read my experience of loss- you know exactly what it means.

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments and emails. You will never know how much it has helped me.

13 comments:

Beth said...

Grief is different for everybody and it is difficult to quantify when one has grieved enough. It sounds like you are well on your way to seeing the silver lining in each day.

I am so truly sorry for your loss.

Heatherlyn said...

His advise is beautiful. I love that he aknowledged that it takes a while to get over things sometimes and that it is OK to still take the time to get over them and that we also need to live life at the same time.

septembermom said...

Your husband really is a wonderful man. He knows how to give you the right kind of emotional and practical support through this difficult time. Heather, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a hug. Take care, my friend.

The Crazy Coxes said...

RM is so smart and loving! You should keep him around! ;)

roy/elisabeth dean said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better. You will never forget your loss, but RM is right, you have another son there that needs you too! God Bless Sweetie~
♥,Lilly

Tammy said...

RM was most definitely the man destined for you to spend an eternity with. More beautiful words could never be spoken. My prayers ae still with you as your heart continues to heal.

Stephanie said...

Because I love you so much, it makes me so happy to know that you have an incredible husband to look after you. He's right, you can't forget to live life right now. My prayers and thoughts are always with you.

natalie said...

I know RM is only trying to help, but with all due respect to his feelings, he is not experiencing the same grief you are. It is not at all the same for him. I know this from vast amounts of unfortunate experience, and from having the same conversation with my husband many times. I would get really irritated with Neil for telling me the exact same thing, until I realized that he did not have the same bond as I did with the baby, nor was he experiencing all the hormonal shifts and physical pain that go with a miscarriage, nor did he possess the ability to feel the way a woman does about her ability to bear children.
I know that RM loves you and wants to make it all better, just as my husband did. Give yourself the room to grieve as long as you need to. It hasn't been that long since your loss, and I know your pain is still so fresh. Don't rush it- it will get better each day.

Wendy said...

Hey Heather, just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you.....

Jenn said...

Sounds like you have a very loving and supportive husband, HK. Time heals all wounds - hang in there. Your son looked so handsome in your last post!!!

Jenners said...

I think the only person in the world who could get away with saying this to you is RM. Best of luck and just do what you can when you can the best you can. : )

old world sunflower said...

I don't know if life happens by chance or not but I know I found your blog and came straight to this post.
You don't know me but I know how you feel, I to have suffered the loss of 5 children, alot of times I found that people didn't treat my loss as that of a child, they didn't know how to make me feel better except to say you can always try again, they didn't understand I had fallen in love with this baby the moment I was aware of it's existence, so I began a journal just in a spiral notebook, and everyday that came I wrote about how I felt and what this child meant to mean, and there was no time limit to this, and what I found that as my days passed my writing began to be fewer and fewer, the ache in my heart lessened and the desire to read and remember with a smile became greater, No one can understand your grief but you as hard as they try, so think, write, read and then at some point your heart will smile, have a good day.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh. I am so sad. I did not know of your loss. This hurts me. I knew you were trying. I pray you will try again. And I pray you will be blessed. You have so much love to give.