Tuesday, March 30, 2010

God's Love

I have to admit that the past few weeks I've been struggling with some anger and started to question why our family was going through such a difficult time.

I couldn't understand why one woman's pregnancy was saved after receiving a blessing from her husband.

And mine wasn't.

About 4 years ago RM was unemployed and it took over a year for him to find employment. I felt that since our family underwent a tough period that somehow RM would never be laid off.

It was a naive thought- RM was laid off from work 2 months ago.

It was extremely overwhelming dealing with grief over my miscarriage and the fear of being unemployed and not knowing how long it would last. I haven't worked in a "real" job in over 10 years, so I started to become discouraged that with every phone call I made to job agencies- they would tell me that most employers were looking for someone with "more recent experience."

I wanted to "throw in the towel" until I read an article titled "Love and Law" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks from my church magazine. After reading and pondering the message, I finally understood and stopped being angry.

The article helped me to realize that though no earthly power could save my pregnancy- only a divine power could save me in my grief, and help me overcome my fear.

I find it amazing that after I found peace- RM got the good news that he starts his new job this Thursday.

Though I still cry at times over the loss of my baby- I find acceptance, hope and I know that God loves me.


Tammy said...

All Right!!!! We are doing some major celebrating over here on the job front...and the heart healing front as well!!!

Smile once for me!!!

F. McButter Pants said...

Great story. I am going to have to read that article again.

He knows us and He loves us!

wendy said...

Oh that sounds so much like me. My first instincts when things go bad...is to get Mad and Ask WHY them and NOT me.
Why were THEIR prayers answered and NOT mine.

It takes me awhile always to work through that.
But God doesn't have it "in for me".
There is so much I don't know or understand.


and I am glad he got that call
and it's ok to cry over the loss of your pregnancy....even 5 years from now, you may still shed a tear
and that is ok

mother goose said...

love love this, and love love you. i'm so glad that RM has found employment and even more happy that you turned to the church in search of answers and peace and peace was given to you. It makes things more copable, not easy but manageable. Thank you for sharing that article. headed over to read it now.

Kristina P. said...

I am glad you have found some peace and comfort.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I loved this. Thank you for writing it. I needed that in my life right now.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you had this epiphany! I was going to tell you that no blessing could keep that baby here unless it was in the plan. Having lost so many babies after having dozens of blessings, my faith was very shaken until I realized what you did. Bittersweet.

I'm so glad RM found a job! Congrats!

The Crazy Coxes said...

Beautiful post!
Thanks for sharing your tender feelings. I love that talk too!

Congrats to RM on the new job!

Jenn said...

What a great post, HK. I'm sending you virtual hugs!!!

Lisa said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I thank you so much for this great post. although I have adopted, the pain of my m/c's and infertility has me questioning things so much. Congrats on RM starting a new job!

Heatherlyn said...

I really appreciate your blog posts during this time in your life because even though our struggles might be different I think similar feelings and questions of how to deal with and handle the really down times are similar and I find strength in your strength. Even though you might not feel very strong, you are stronger than you realize. I hope that the rest of the year is really good and peaceful for you!

septembermom said...

I'm very happy for you and RM about his new position. I love the honesty in your blog posts. I feel like we're sitting together talking and sharing. I'm going to read that article. I'm sure there will be a lot for me in it.

You are strong in love and faith. I wish you and your family all the joy and support in the world. Hugs to you my friend :)

Ashley said...

You have such a beautiful way with expressing your feelings and touching others. You have me so anxious to read that article! Thank you for sharing this.

Michele said...

That is awesome news about RM and the new job. I might have to try to find that article...it might help with some of the anger I still have inside.

Have a wonderful Easter!

Rising Rainbow said...

Glad to hear you heart is beginning to heal.

Sassy said...

I can't tell you how very sad I am over your loss.....losing a baby hurts deeply....it is amazing how much a heart can hurt and feel when you have never met the child......hugs to you my friend....and WOO HOO on the new job!!!!! It truly stinks having to go out in the workforce when it is a new and scary place...I had to when my hubby fell off of our roof a little over 18 years ago and have had to work ever since....so scary but such a blessing.....I will keep you in my prayers and I need to read that article........conference wa AWESOME this weekend wasn't it? ♥

old world sunflower said...

Isn't that just the way things always go, just when we think we can't take anymore, God comes right in time, I am so happy for your family what great news you have received, Enjoy your evening! Diana

Jenners said...

You guys have been having a rough time ... I'm so glad RM found a new job relatively quickly. My sister-in-law was without work for over a year and just found something. It is very stressful.

Hang in there.

Sally said...

For your loss and for all of the changes that you are dealing with, I am so sorry.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way :)