Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm a changed woman!

Renaissance Man was a little annoyed with my last post. He didn't like that I used the words, fart and gassy. He believes that I should be more classy (hey that rhymes with gassy!) and keep those words out of my blog. So, I promised him that I would set a better example for my son Moe. My goal now is to become a more dignified, and sophisticated woman, I will never ever use those words again, instead I will use classier terms like this:


- Anal acoustics
- scented methane
- A turd whistling for the right of way
- Backdoor breeze
- Barking spiders
- Bean blower
- Belch from behind
- Blowing the butt bugle
- Bottom blast
- Bottom burp



I'm a changed woman! I turned a new leaf, no more toilet humor and as long as I live, I will never use the words fart and gassy again!

20 comments:

natalie said...

I laughed out loud and peed my pants a little...thanks for that. Gotta go do some Kegels. :)

Sally said...

I kind of like :

*blowing gears
*stepping on a duck (kind of a quacking sound)
*shoot n' toot

Boy, living with such a refined man.....How do you handle the pressure?

Tammy said...

my grandmother used to call them barking spiders...great at my wedding Granny!!!!

Wendy said...

yeah, i agree with RM, your last post was so unwomanly!!! ha ha ha..

my favorite was anal acoustics..: )

septembermom said...

Hilarious! Love that backdoor breeze one. Kind of poetic, don't you think?

Kristina P. said...

Haha! Love it! I have no intention of ever being classy on my blog.

Debbie said...

Wow I couldn't help but notice that most of that list was A's and B's. Does that mean another post with C-Z? :)

Beth said...

You are classy even if you are gassy!

Heather said...

How very creative!! Who knew there were so many terms available?!

The Crazy Coxes said...

Oh my!!!! The Bonehead Brothers could certainly add to your list. One of the classiest is Captain Morgan. You need two people...but then you really need to people to appreciate gas. The "helper" gets down on his hands and knees or simply offers a hand to the expeller. The expeller then simply lifts one leg up and puts his foot on the back of his friend in a Captain Morgan pose and lets loose. It's soooo classy as well as subtle.

Melinda said...

You'll never say gassy or fart again, unless to tell someone you'll never say gassy or fart, right? hahahaha
We like fluff, poof, toot and a noise that sounds like a trumpet-ish. :) Loved your list, you are SOOOO classy! haha

Jenners said...

These are great! I'll have to remember them as my home is just filled with Backdoor Breezes and Bottom Burps!

Elaine A. said...

I'm laughing my butt off over here and YES! pun intended HA HA HA!!

I love "blowing the butt bugle," I am SO using that one in the near future! Thanks for the laughs...

Oh and I'm glad you've turned over a new leaf. ; )

nikkicrumpet said...

HAH anal acoustics...that's hilarious! And we love it when you're classy!

Life with Kaishon said...

This was hilarious! I think it is nice that your husband reads your blog. I couldn't PAY Gary to read mine. He has no time for Mommy blogs whatsoever : ). Oh well. His loss!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

K Natalie's comment was FUNNY... anyway...

I LOVE anal acoustics!!! lol!

wendy said...

DON'T CHANGE --just when I was starting to Connect with ya. those were so funny-----
I get in trouble all the time with my son in law for saying fart and stuff like that around his little girls ---ahhh, lighten up, he shakes his head at me

Yaya said...

Lol! Tell the hubby to stop back-seat-blogging!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Don't forget
Cutting the cheese
and
Floating an air biscuit!

mother goose said...

oh my gosh! my gut is aching from laughing so hard! I love the butt bugle and a turd whistling for the right of way!!! DANG woman, how do you come up with these things. I wish I could meet you IRL.
scented methane is very sophisticated, if I do say so myself. I am going to use that from this time forth along with anal acoustics! Oh heck, I'm using them all, stealing them, running with them and I may even try a few out. LOL